Before you start this read on my Fathers Day viewpoint, and begin immediately judging me… 🙂 I want to point out that Heather has nothing to do with this read. She has been NOTHING BUT SUPPORTIVE and understanding in the midst of my view on this subject. Whether she agrees or not.. So, that being said, I don’t know if how I feel is wrong, right, or if its just programming from past events, but Fathers Day is one holiday I’m told I don’t handle well internally. I mean I thought I knew what I was doing a long time ago. I put in effort, I did my best to help raise them and take some of the weight off mom’s shoulders. Go to appointments, school meetings, sports, help to feed them and maintain the household. Buy clothes, Halloween costumes, birthday and Christmas gifts… For me, the miniature humans crashing into me when I arrived home from work and telling me about their day, and then a kiss from my lady was enough for me forever. This was a bliss world I had created, probably from a friggin’ movie or something from when I was younger, because.. was I ever wrong.
My run in with trouble was my first relationship with a woman who had kids. Fathers Day rolled around and no one said anything to me. I was at least hoping she would’ve said “Hey! Thanks for helping out!” But, what she actually said was enlightening. I will never forget it because it set me on the path of clarity for a situation such as this. She said :
I didn’t say happy fathers day because you aren’t a father, and you will never be a father figure to those kids. They have a father, and It’s not you.
So my response which I thought was reasonable and something every guy would want:
“OK. Then I will probably want one of my own in the future, because at some point I deserve a card made out of macaroni or a tie or whatever…”
Which made matters even worse as it made her really angry. That statement apparently made her feel like I was telling her she HAD to have my kid. Trust me when I tell you, all hell broke loose.
See… What I failed to realize at the time is that no matter what I do… In all reality, I DO NOT deserve to be recognized for Fathers Day. She spoke the truth.
I have no biological children. Therefore, I am not a father.
Am I willing to love and help raise someone else’s kids as if they are my own? YES!!
Do I take an incredible amount of pride in the children’s achievements? YES!,
Would I put my own wants and needs aside for the kids and their mother? In a heartbeat.
Am I their Dad? No.
If the kids willingly call me Dad, that’s awesome! If I get Fathers Day well wishes and such, I certainly love and appreciate all of it! I certainly try as hard as I can and hopefully they respect me enough to learn whatever I have to pass on and they grow to be as good of a person as they can be. If nothing else, Hopefully they see how I treat their mother and carry that with them. If I can set at least ONE solid example, it would be to teach them what to look for in a relationship. My goal is to show them how a great relationship is SUPPOSED to be.
So their children won’t ever have to have… a me.